Christ's Beloved Daughter
by Hope Enyart
Probably an unpopular opinion, but despite the tragedies that came with COVID-19, I really have been loving this time of quarantine. These past few years have been filled with so many changes in all aspects of my life, and as much as I feel like I’ve been doing ok, it has been a constant struggle of not burning out. On top of all the changes that I felt were already drowning me, those that know me well can attest to the fact that I’ve spent most of my adult life taking care of others. Whether that came in the form of picking students up late in the night because they ran away from home, taking food and groceries to friends who were struggling with depression and using that as an excuse to make sure that they hadn’t taken any drastic measures overnight, or just trying to be a good daughter to my parents and a good sister to my brother, I spent many of my days living for others. Without getting into details, I will put this disclaimer out there; it wasn’t simply because I’m a selfless individual and a nurturer by nature, but rather, I lived for others to satisfy my deep insecurities and find value and meaning for myself.
While I don’t regret any of these things and wouldn’t want to redo any of the past, I will say it has been exhausting and I was physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually burnt out. It was difficult to find things that really mattered to me personally, I even grew complacent in my faith and found little joy in worship. God knew I needed rest and while this quarantine is an extreme form of isolation, I really thank God for giving me this time to reflect and realign my life to what He desires.
In quarantine, I’ve been able to find time away from people and spend more time investing in myself. It has been a time for me to do the things that interest me, and it has been a time for me to figure out what I need and not what others need from me. Most importantly, I’ve been able to find joy in worship and I’ve been able to find that desperation to be in the presence of God again. It has been a time for me to reflect on who I am as simply God’s beloved daughter Hope, and not Hope the teacher, Hope the friend or Hope the daughter and sister.
These months of quarantine gave me the time and distance to want to go back to church and worship in person. It gave me a moment to miss my students and a much-needed time to reflect on my relationships. In the most extreme way possible, but also the only way to really make me stop, breathe and process, it gave me time to figure out who I am in relation to the people in my life and not who I am because of the people in my life. It gave me time to remember that God defines who I am and that my identity or worth does not depend on how the people around me see or need me.
When quarantine is over and it is safe to be in the presence of people without fear of spreading COVID, I am so excited to be the best teacher, the best friend, the best daughter and sister that I can be, but without forgetting my greatest and most important responsibility of being the best child of God that I can be. I look forward to the day that I can once again pour out everything to the people around me not with my own strength, but because I am overflowed by our Father’s love and grace in my life.
It feels right to end with a verse, so I will share one that has been the anthem of my life through all the highs and lows. It is said in Ephesians 2:8-10 that is by grace alone that we have been saved and that we are His workmanship. By grace we have been saved time and time again. Who knows when the end of COVID-19 and quarantine will come, but we can be assured that through His grace, we will be saved and that everything will be done according to His purpose.
